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Karen's Blues #2

from Goddammit Keep Going by Chris Kiehne

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I stood in front of mirrors, baby, and I spoke your name
Then I stood upon the mountain top, and, there, I did the same
In darkened rooms I sang the sacred words and felt ashamed
'Cos they meant nothing to me, honey. It was empty medicine.

I would burn a dozen altars, I would sing all the psalms all backwards
If I thought that would draw a spark.
Karen: in your life, you answered every call
I have wrecked my skeptic’s heart
Wondering where you are

In the year before you died, I kept insisting that I’d visit
But of course that was a lie, and I just knelt to my laziness
In my own way I have tried to draft some reckoning of this
The only the things I’m haunted by are all those chances that I missed

A Sunday drive to say goodbye,
Then an evening in the country
I mean, what cause did I have to stall?
I wasn’t in denial, I wasn’t frightened at all
I have taxed my selfish heart
Wondering at the cost

In my time, I too will lie in some hospital bed
Balancing the line between the wrestle and the rest
In that moment will I have any fellowship left
Or will I stand before the darkness alone and unmet

'Cos I might sing about the spirit,
I might sing about the soul.
But it’s only ritual.
A way to render meaning when I know there is none
I have wrecked my stupid heart
Wondering what becomes of us

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from Goddammit Keep Going, released October 31, 2019

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Chris Kiehne Towson, Maryland

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